Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
