She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
