new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
