who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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