I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
