She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
