How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
