and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize