when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
