that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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