My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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