in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
