once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
