The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
