He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
