im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
