you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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