It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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