this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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