it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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