doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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