u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
