Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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