I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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