Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
