Me. At least after what I've been through.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
