my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
