Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
