Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
