I feel like I'm in dance class right now
high people should be assigned attendants
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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