I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
