I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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