I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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