D3 body, D1 cock
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
