She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
