Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
