in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
