So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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