True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We got so high we made milksteak
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
