Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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