She said her name was "party"
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
