I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
