Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
