We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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