I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
