i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
false alarm, still single
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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