Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
