i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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