Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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