That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
