Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
